Surrogacy USA: Interview With a Surrogate
When nature stands in the way of conceiving a baby the traditional way, surrogacy USA represents an effective and accessible lifeline. On a global basis, demand for the services of surrogates has been accelerating at its fastest ever pace. Fueling a commercial and private ‘market’ for surrogates that has never been stronger.
Even though surrogacy is somewhat of a taboo topic, even to this day, we see more and more people thinking, talking and learning about it. Surrogacy could be considered a tool that has helped hundreds of couples become parents, even when they could not conceive on their own or through fertility treatments. What many don´t know is that surrogacy is still illegal in many countries, some even in Europe, which could be one of the reasons many people don´t look at it in a different light. At the same time surrogacy services have expanded globally, many misinformed people still think that a surrogate mother has a direct blood connection with the baby, when in fact, the child is completely the parent´s child and the surrogate has no legal right to interfere.
But what is it really like to be on the surrogate’s side of the equation? What is it about the idea of surrogacy that appeals most to those offering such incredible services to couples and singles alike?
To find out, we asked a newcomer to the surrogate scene for her own thoughts, opinions and motivations for becoming a surrogate. After having three children of her own, gestational surrogate Sarah successfully delivered a child for another couple for the first time in 2017.
What motivated you to become a surrogate in the first place?
I was inspired to help others when two of my closest friends experienced ongoing difficulties conceiving a child. They were eventually successful after receiving treatment, but they went through absolute hell in the meantime. I realized how lucky I was to already have three kids of my own and couldn’t imagine how I’d feel in their position. All three of my pregnancies were textbook from start to finish, plus I absolutely loved being pregnant. So I had a chat with my husband and we decided to look into it.
Did everything turn out the way you expected?
Yes and no. For the most part, the whole thing was so much more enjoyable than I expected it to be. Along with enjoying pregnancy as I did before, I developed such a close relationship with the intended parents. I had an amazing time in their company and I cannot tell you how wonderful it felt to see their excitement and share their joy along the way. What’s more, I didn’t struggle nearly as much with the inevitable difficulties of ‘breaking the bonds’ with the baby after delivering their child.
How were you matched with your intended parents?
The agency handled everything on all of our behalves. I initially thought the whole thing was just random – finding anyone willing to carry a child for a couple within a geographic area. In reality, it turned out that there is a very strategic and careful selection process, in order to line up the best possible matches. In the case of my intended parents, we got on immediately as if we had known each other for years. From the first time we met, the sheer gratitude and genuine love they showed for me as their intended surrogate were simply overwhelming.
Did you remain in regular contact with your intended parents?
Like I said, what came as such a huge surprise was how quickly we became the closest of friends. Closer to family, in fact. We didn’t have to make any effort to keep in touch or pass on updates as we naturally found ourselves in almost constant contact with each other. Again, I guess I owe this to the selection process handled by the agency. I can honestly say I’ve made two (and a half!) incredible friends for life
What did your family think about your decision?
They all supported me wholeheartedly. Of course, a few pointed out the potential for health issues associated with pregnancy, but only out of their genuine intent to protect me. None of this worried me, given how easy my previous three pregnancies were. To be honest, I expected to be called every variation of ‘insane’ under the sun, but it just didn’t happen. Along with supporting my decision, my friends and family provided me with an overwhelming amount of physical and emotional support from start to finish. It really was an incredible experience.
Aside from the obvious, how did you feel at the time of delivery?
My biggest concern was that I would develop that instant and unbreakable bond with the baby the moment I saw him. It was definitely an emotional experience, but I guess knowing the baby isn’t yours from day one makes the whole thing entirely different. I was emotional as hell, but mostly for the fact that I could literally see the intended parents crying their eyes out and shaking from head to toe with the kind of joy and excitement and I have never seen of two human beings. I can’t describe it – it was like watching something I had done bring the wildest dreams to life of two wonderful people, right before my eyes.
Do you have any ongoing contact with the family?
Of course – they’ve even made me an honorary aunt, in name form only! We developed such an incredible bond that irrespective of distance, we would have kept in touch anyway. Their little boy is an absolute miracle in every way and even to this day they treat me like royalty for bringing him into their lives. It brings me more joy than I can possibly explain to see the three of them enjoying their lives together, perhaps even appreciating every day a little more than most couples will ever imagine.
What would you say to yourself if you could go back to the beginning?
I’d say forget about all the potential negatives and focus on the positives. My surrogacy couldn’t have gone more smoothly from start to finish and was one of the most enjoyable experiences of my life. My doctors told me pretty much from day one that I have nothing to worry about – turns out these guys know exactly what they’re talking about!
Would you consider doing the same again?
Funnily enough, it’s a conversation I regularly have with my husband. On one hand, you can only put your body and indeed your family through so much. On the other, if I have the health and support group needed to bring a baby into the life of another wonderful couple, isn’t that something I should be doing? I haven’t made my mind up yet, but it’s a definite possibility.
What advice would you give to someone who is thinking about becoming a surrogate?
Well, first of all, it isn´t an easy decision to be made. You need to go to an agency, have all the physical and physiological tests done and see if you have the profile for it. Not everyone can do it, and that´s fine. You also need to think of all the practicalities that being pregnant entails. At the same time you need to be open and honest with your family, see if you have a situation that helps you whilst your pregnant, stress free, and doesn´t create a difficult environment to live in. But, to me and being completely honest, the fact that you are giving two people the best thing in their lives, something they have so greatly wanted and fought for makes the decision much easier for you. If in the end of research, talking to an agency and having all the tests done, it comes up to you and if you can do it, I would just think of how happy those parents will be when they see their child. Nothing can beat that.