According to many published reports, as many as 15-20% of marriages are currently considered to be sexless. What that means is a lot of couples are only having sex 10 or less times per year (let’s all sit and reflect on the fact that there are 365 days in a year!). For physical, emotional and even spiritual reasons, that’s not good. Sex is great for your health, it helps to establish and maintain peace and security, and is a way to enhance a sense of “oneness” between you and your partner. In short, sex helps to make a marriage stronger.
Are you in a sexless marriage? If so, this article will provide you with several explanations and show you how you can improve your situation (as soon as possible!).
- You need to explore your attitude towards sex
One of the benefits that comes with marital counseling is the chance to get to the root of all sorts of issues. If you’re someone who doesn’t have a high sex drive, think that you and your partner are sexually incompatible, feel uncomfortable because of things your partner wants to do, or dislike the fact they are partaking in certain habits (like viewing porn), you may need the assistance of a professional who will help you discuss and explore your feelings.
- Sex is not a priority
It would be nice if you always “had time” for sex. However, between working, raising kids, paying bills and coping with all of the other demands of life, married people in the real world usually have to make time for sex. Although it might not seem like the most romantic approach, look at it this way: planning to have sex gives you both something intimate and awesome to look forward to. And shoot, it’s a heck of a lot more fun than paying your electricity or cell phone bill!
- Your kids come before your spouse
If your kids come before your spouse, that’s something to rethink immediately. There is plenty of data suggesting that when a child’s parents are happy, that child automatically feels happy because they feel safe. But when one or both spouses feel left out, it can cause everyone in the home to feel uneasy. If you’re a parent, you want to do all that you can to provide your children with what they need, right? It’s important to have this mentality about your spouse too.
- Your health is suffering
There are a lot of reasons why it’s important to get an annual physical. For one thing, your doctor can see if there are physical issues that could be hindering your sex life, such as high blood pressure (which can affect erections) or imbalanced hormones (which can affect sex drives). If it has been more than 18 months since you last saw your physician, make an appointment as soon as possible.
- There is a lack of communication (outside the bedroom)
If you are both holding in some resentment, not making time to listen to one another’s needs or would rather talk to friends than each other, it’s going to be hard to want to connect in the bedroom given that you’re not really doing it outside the bedroom. A wise man once said that foreplay happens all throughout the day, and that’s so true. It’s important that you speak to your spouse, and imperative that you listen to them as well.
During first year or so of knowing one another, the sex may have been mind-blowing. At the very least, it was probably intriguing and stimulating. That’s because the experience was new. Now that you’ve known one another for a while (yes, in the biblical sense), it’s understandable that things might seem a bit on the boring side. The best solution is to be proactive about finding ways to spice things up a bit. Don’t always have sex in your bedroom or even at your house (hotel sex is wonderful!). Pick up a Kama Sutra book and try some new positions. Be spontaneous in initiating sex. In short, break out of your routine and think outside of the box.
- Sexual selfishness
If you feel like your partner cares more about “getting theirs” than anything else, you’re not alone. The key to remedying this issue is actually rather simple—rather than both of you focusing on your own pleasure, focus instead on providing pleasure to each other. If the key belief is “My spouse’s sexual happiness is something that I am responsible for” then you should notice a dramatic positive shift.